Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Being bamboozled.

This is definately more of a serious post, as I am using this as a forum to get some things off my chest. I don't know how it is that people can come across one way, and then end up to be a totally different person. Is it me? Am I the dumb one who just doesn't see through the BS and falls for the lines and the hoopla? I would like to think not, as I think I am a pretty smart girl with a good head on my shoulders, but this is the second time a guy has completely had me fooled. I thought I met the cream of the crop, the best of the best in the men department. He seemed caring, he seemed trusting, he liked my family, he was very interested in ME (as in my background, my likes/dislikes, where I grew up, etc) and just seemed to be one of the most genuine, patient and kind people I've ever met. We had matching family values, wanted the same thing out of life, and seemed to really both be very driven in the same direction. In 31 years, he was everything I've always wanted, and never found. From the get go HE talked about marriage, and kids, and where we'd live...and for several weeks I was very skeptical about it, but one day it just clicked and I started along with him on this road that he seemed to picture us together on.  Before I even agreed to "date", he was trying to convince me our hands "fit perfectly" together, and where he lacked I shined, and vice he put it "we were perfect compliments" for each other. We had a very good relationship with the exception of one topic...what was going to happen in May when he graduated from grad school and moved on to start his career. Whenever either of us brought that subject up, an argument usually ensued...because the more time that went on, the more I knew I wanted to be with him...and the more I didn't know how that was going to happen.  I hate the unknown. He was fine with the attitude "I don't know how, but it will all work out"...I was not. I wanted to know HOW it was going to work out. One day things got out of hand and I got very upset and said a lot of things I didn't mean...because it was clear to me that we didnt have a solid plan on how we were going to be together, and I was upset that I had let myself get to the point of being so far involved the only way out was to have a broken heart. We did break up, but even after that day, he was still compassionate, kind, patient, and still would say it would work out one day, just not anytime soon. He was still the epitome of everything I wanted in a man, and he dealt with the breakup (and me) immediately after with dignity and grace. It was a fight a couple weeks later out of frustration that turned the tide, and things started getting bad between us. But, we talked THREE weeks ago and when we got off the phone he said he loved me (and I said I loved him) and he went on to say nothing was completely off the table between he and I, we just needed some time to figure things out and heal from the rollercoaster we'd been on for the last couple months.
In the meantime, I went on a cruise, went to Memphis, went to the Kentucky derby and then hosted the all boys and me shower this past weekend. I wake up Sunday to an email through fb from a girl I had never met, that was forwarded from him saying that he "deeply loved" a girl he dated for a couple months last summer and I was "just that other girl" that wasn't important, and lie after lie about me. I was beyond speechless, because I just dont know how this even happened? How do you go from loving someone 3 weeks ago, to referring to them as "just that other girl" in less than a month...TALKING TO A STRANGER? I have been beating myself up for 4 months thinking that we were meant to be and it was me that ruined everything that one night when I got upset at the idea we weren't going to be together...and all this time none of it was true. No part of our relationship from beginning to end was what I thought it was. The person I met wasn't real, the person I fell in love with wasn't real, and everything he ever said when he looked me dead in the eye about our future was just him being a really good actor. I called him on Sunday and asked him about the lies and to make everything EVEN BETTER, he somehow thinks I 'recruited' this girl from his high school to ask him about me, or flat out made the facebook page up (yet the page has over 40 friends on it....that makes no sense, whatsoever) Since we broke up, I have tried not to call or email him and been unsuccessful, because I flat out miss him. If I had any questions about us, or how he felt about me, I always ended up calling him and flat out asking him. I don't play games and I ask things straight up. So WHY would I hide behind a fake facebook page or 'recruit' a high school friend of his to ask questions I would ask myself? And which one is it, is she your friend from high school that, and I quote he "hasn't talked to in 11 years" (which would make her real, and someone he acknowledges) or someone that was created out of thin air...because she clearly can't be both and he is accusing me of doing both things.  In my opinion, HE may want to get his story straight as far as which angle he is going with before he starts throwing out such ridiculous accusations. How can you accuse me of doing both when at the same time on one hand she is real, and an old friend with a real facebook page with plenty of friends, and the other hand he is accusing me of making of the facebook page myself....I would never do either of those, and if he knew me at all, he'd know I wouldn't. The best part is I have proof after proof that I have NOTHING to do with it, and he still left me a threatening voicemail yesterday. The girl even called HIM and said I had nothing to do with it, and he somehow, someway still believes I am connected.  I think he is upset I found out the truth about how he really feels and is trying to put the blame back on me, but at this point it doesn't even matter. The man I knew would NEVER use threatening tactics to try and get me to admit to something I didn't to to begin with. What I dont understand, and the point of this blog, is WHY and HOW did I not see this side of him from the get go? He left THREATENING voicemails on my phone yesterday to "admit it or else"...this is NOT the man I met, fell in love with, and wanted to be my husband and a father to my children. This is some neandrathal who tries to use scare tactics and is a bully to get what he wants. To quote jennifer Anniston, he is missing a sensitivity chip, which is clearly why he is going into the profession he is going into. When something doesn't go his way he is able to compartmentalize it and move on without even a second thought-he doesnt care who he hurts, who he steps on, as long as he gets what he wants in the end...I guess I'll never understand how I was fooled so badly by him or why he lied to me the way he did. Why even be in a relationship with someone that is "just a girl" to you, let alone talk marriage with her? And to threaten me? I thought he was a lot smarter than that...I could END his career with one phone call or email to his soon-to-be boss, with what he has told me (that he shouldn't have) and things I have in regards to him, but I wouldnt do that, and he knows it.  So how do I avoid being fooled in the future? I didn't see ANY red flags until we broke up. He did everything right, he was the perfect guy...until he turned into a total nightmere.  I did SO much for him (monetarily and physically) and loved him SO much, I just don't understand it. How do you break up with someone and then not even allow them to talk about what they need to talk about to get closure. The girl that was his "deepest love" ended things and never took a phone call or email from him again...and it KILLED he knows what it feels like to just have the door shut in your face after a breakup and he knew exactly what he was doing when we refused to talk to me. So if he cared about me at all, how could he do it? I guess theres my answer.  He didn't. Which sucks, because I was completely taken by him. 
This is the second guy that after we broke up, I was left thinking "I guess I really didn't know him at all".  So how do I avoid this in the future? I'd honestly rather break up because the guy cheated on me, or because of some other reason than be left sitting there thinking "who is that and what happened to the guy I've been dating all this time? How could I have been such a   fool??". UGH. Guys. Sucks.

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